Whatever is Written

Whatever Works

I feel like making a lot of puns about how thinly drawn this script is SO, this movie is as thin as:
-Evan Rachel Wood
-Woody Allen's stack of truly crappy movies
-Whatever is left of Larry David's hair
-The window that Boris jumps through
-Boris' willingness to live
-My patience for this movie's credibility

Ok. So this really was not as bad as it could have been. It's a very hit or miss movie. Some of the jokes had me laughing uproariously while others were really stupid. Larry David's asides to the camera were dreadful because it seemed like he was trying to make up for how silly the movie is with his go to line about whatever works (which is a myth, by the way). Be serious. There is no way you can make any overarching statement or theme about this film. It's basically around for cheap laughs.

And that's completely understandable. This was a 30-year-old script that Woody pulled out to beat the writer's strike deadline. I don't think he ever expected this film to be good so he doesn't try too hard to impress us in the movie. It's essentially a fable that takes things a bit too far. The second Patricia Clarkson shows up on screen, caution is thrown to the wind and everything starts falling apart for the movie. Threesomes. Predictable gay bar scenes. Lame attempts at a happy ending. Stupid romances between young people. In fact, when it was just Boris and Melodie married and exploring each other's psyches, I rather liked the movie. Introducing Patricia Clarkson basically transforms the movie from an exploration of marriage and love to a movie about New York's effect on outsiders (which is highly inaccurate I assume). Larry David generally endears himself to me and almost seems relatable until his marriage to Melodie. Evan Rachel Wood's accent didn't annoy me as much as I thought it would. Overall, if you cut out half the movie and change the direction that the couple goes in, I wouldn't have minded the movie.

Grade: C

2009 Marlon Welles Awards Nominee:

Best Comedic Performance: Larry David's misanthrope
Most Ridiculous Moment: So the dad is gay?

Summer So Far

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

The formula that I determined from Iron Man for a good superhero movie was a balance of good story with good action sequences. Because after all, the only thing people want from summer movies is mindless entertainment. Wolverine, in this case, succeeds completely in the mindless department. The first thing I thought about when I walked out of the theater was how bad I felt for Gavin Hood. After really touching me with the conventional yet still emotionally resonant Tsotsi, he proceeded to completely ruin his career with his Hollywood fare so far.

This film was poorly written, poorly executed and actually bored me at times. Deadpool was woefully underused as was Sabretooth. Hugh Jackman did his part but when the screenplay is so terrible to begin with, there is no way to recover. That final battle sequence looked contrived and bored me to death. Admittedly, my expectations were terrible which, coupled with my relative indifference for the first three movies, made my experience with this movie all the more miserable. I was pretty much just looking for all of the film's flaws unfortunately. And boy did the film deliver in that department.

Grade: D

2009 Marlon Welles Awards Nominee:

Most Ridiculous Moment: Boy Wolverine's dramatic(?) "NOOOO!"


Star Trek

I mean, there is very little I can say about this movie. It made me a fan of the show. I'm actually planning on revisiting the original tv show just to make the film all the more enjoyable. However, I must admit: I wasn't blown away. I saw it opening night in IMAX and enjoyed myself but thought it was only light fare. Which really confuses me. Have my summer expectations been so hardened by the nihilistic stylings of The Dark Knight? Perhaps. More realistically, I think the lack of eminent danger was the real deal breaker for me. I never really got a sense that the characters were ever in danger. This coupled with the failure of the villain as anything more than an angry, funny running man prevented the film from being truly great for me. However, the film is still good fun and reaffirms my belief that J.J. Abrams can do no wrong.

Grade: B+

2009 Marlon Welles Awards Nominee:

Best Scene Stealer: Simon Pegg's take on Scotty
Best Trailer
Best "Best Moment of the Film": The action sequence with Kirk and Sulu stopping the laser is incredible in IMAX.

Terminator: Salvation

I don't really agree with the critics on this one. I've been trying my best to avoid all critic's opinions of a movie until I see it this summer. When I went to Rotten Tomatoes to check on the score for this film, I was expecting a 60%, maybe 50. However, a 33%? Worse than Angels and Demons? Nay I say.

Sure the script is treacherous at the end. There are many cheesy parts but I think this was loads better than T3 even with the digitally altered Arny making an appearance. To be honest, the week preceding my viewing of this film included seeing T2 and T3 in their entirety for the first time. For the sake of avoiding another entry, Terminator 2 is probably the best action movie I have ever seen. Such depth and dense themes coupled with absolute fantastic action sequences equals brilliance.

Knowing this, Salvation obviously comes short. However, I like the idea of a brand new Terminator franchise. Essentially, the film would do better to avoid the label of Terminator since it is fundamentally a different movie. The weathered and drab look of the film is fantastic as well as the acting. I don't care what people say about Christian Bale, the script didn't ask for a dynamic and marvelous performance so Bale gave what he gives best: intensity. Overall, the ending really sucked but I enjoyed most parts of the film and I look forward to seeing the next film in the franchise. On a side note, movies Salvation reminded me of: the giant machines=War of the Worlds, the tiny arm machines=Transformers, the scene in the white room at Skynet=Mission Impossible.

Grade: B-

2009 Marlon Welles Awards Nominee:

Most Surprising Moment: You're gonna kill John Connor? Oh right.
Most Ridiculous Moment: "Tell them I'll be back."
Best Trailer